While teen phone use can come with risks, it can also be an empowering milestone in a child’s development. Here’s how parents can get the pros without the cons.
Parenting presents an endless number of things to worry about, but anxieties around mobile phone use seems to be at the top of the agenda for many mums and dads. As a parent to two young children, I’m already thinking ahead to the challenges they’ll face in their teen years – and one of the biggest seems to be how smartphones will impact their lives and views of the world.
Despite parents’ well-founded fears around keeping children and teens safe online, there’s no denying the practical advantages of a smartphone. Many of my friends with older children and teenagers say that mobile phones allow them to stay in contact with their kids when they’re out and about, not to mention being integral to many young people’s social lives and friendships. It’s a tricky challenge to get right. So how can parents keep their kids safe and happy without curbing their independence and growth?
The psychology behind the screen
TV shows such as Netflix’s Adolescence have highlighted holes in many parents’ knowledge of the online world and its hidden dangers. But what are the risks that parents should know?
“When you hand a phone to a young person you are effectively giving them access to the world right from their own home or bedroom and you make them accessible to the world,” explains Dr Patricia Barber, a counselling psychologist.
This, she says, can come with a lot of positives but this all depends on a young person’s maturity and how well their usage is monitored. “For younger children there are the more obvious risks such as them seeing inappropriate content that is well beyond their maturity,” Dr Barber adds. “For teenagers it can cause anxiety, low mood, comparison with their peers as they overthink how they respond to people, what they post online or how ‘in the know’ they are with certain trends.”
“When you hand a phone to a young person you are effectively giving them access to the world”
Dr Patricia Barber
This is coupled with the pressure to be available to their peers at all times, which can be overwhelming for some young people. “There is always content to be consumed on our phones and developmentally teenagers and young people don’t have the ability to control impulses or the self discipline to say ‘ok that’s enough’,” she says.
This, she says, can come with a lot of positives but this all depends on a young person’s maturity and how well their usage is monitored. “For younger children there are the more obvious risks such as them seeing inappropriate content that is well beyond their maturity,” Dr Barber adds. “For teenagers it can cause anxiety, low mood, comparison with their peers as they overthink how they respond to people, what they post online or how ‘in the know’ they are with certain trends.”
This is coupled with the pressure to be available to their peers at all times, which can be overwhelming for some young people. “There is always content to be consumed on our phones and developmentally teenagers and young people don’t have the ability to control impulses or the self discipline to say ‘ok that’s enough’,” she says.
Advice to my 15-year-old self
“I got my first smart phone for my 11th birthday. I used my phone primarily to talk to school friends especially as I was in and out of hospital when I was younger. I do however feel as if I could have spent less time in general on my phone. I feel teens need to be more careful about the content they consume now as a lot of content is intended to elicit emotional reactions (‘rage bait’) and polarise individuals, rather than contribute to reporting and political discourse. Any engagement is good engagement, especially now dislikes have been removed or hidden on most platforms. AI content, which is often factually wrong, is growing more common. Combined with the existing mis/disinformation on social media I feel as if the internet is becoming less useful as a source of knowledge and news.”
Joshua, age 22.
Dr Kultar Garcha, GP and global medical director at Flow Neuroscience adds that another big risk parents should be aware of is cyberbullying. “Cyberbullying is also a considerable risk as it’s 24/7,” explains Dr Garcha. “It’s harder to get away from, as moving schools or changing friend groups isn’t enough any more. Public humiliation spreads faster online and is harder to erase. Bullies can also be anonymous, and this can lower empathy and increase cruelty.”
Dr Garcha feels that this sense of permanence also presents a concern in itself. “How many of us have looked back at things we’ve said or done in our teen years and cringed?” he asks. “It’s natural to make mistakes or not understand the consequences when you’re growing up, but having a record of that you can’t delete is difficult. There’s no space to grow and learn when everything is documented.”
AI, one of the biggest topics in the tech space at the moment, also feels like a gargantuan area for parents to navigate. This, Dr Garcha says, is because as the amount of AI content increases, the line between what’s real and what’s fiction is becoming much harder to spot. “Young people are still forming their own identities, and a significant part of this process is often influenced by those around them. Comparing themselves against something unachievable will have a profound impact on their self-esteem and self-worth.”
Changing the game
What about the big tech companies that also have a responsibility to children? At phone networks such as EE, online safety for young people is a key priority and it has a number of tools and services aimed at supporting young people and their parents. EE’s Safer Sims and Stay Connected Data, for instance, are designed to grow up with children. They can’t access content that’s inappropriate for their age range but unlimited data means parents will never lose contact with them.
Find out more at EE Safer Sims.
Educating a digital generation
For secondary school teachers such as Shazad Rahman, deputy head pastoral at Stephen Perse Cambridge, the topic of healthy and safe smart phone use is an ongoing conversation among pupils and parents. As such, they work closely with families to establish healthy boundaries and digital wellness practices that support both academic performance and a child’s wellbeing. “As educators we have found that when issues arise, they provide valuable teachable moments for discussions about respect, critical thinking, and appropriate digital citizenship,” Mr Rahman says.
“What’s encouraging is how receptive our students are to guidance when we address these challenges proactively. Through our PSHE lessons and by maintaining an ongoing dialogue about healthy technology use, we work with students to develop the critical thinking skills they need to be responsible online.”
Mr Rahman says that maintaining open communication with both students and parents to ensure technology serves as a tool for learning and growth, rather than a source of distraction or concern, is integral. “For instance, we recently delivered sessions to address the pressure that young men can feel to conform to representations of toxic masculinity and misogyny which they see online,” he adds.
“When issues arise they provide valuable teachable moments for discussion about respect”
Shazad Rahman
Mr Rahman highlights, however, that as the majority of social media and phone use takes place at home, schools also require the support of parents to implement clear boundaries with their children.
This is something that parents such as Zahra Hunton welcome with open arms. She says that when she gave her 13-year-old son a phone, it came with firm boundaries and expectations. For instance, all of her son’s social media accounts are connected to her own phone so she can see who he is speaking to and the type of content he’s watching. “I check his search history and we discuss it together if he’s been searching for sensitive information,” she says. Her son also takes part in courses at school where they learn about online safety and he’s never allowed to use his phone alone in his room. The plus sides? “Now he’s out and about, it comes in handy to be able to stay in touch and we also have a tracker on it so I know where he is at all times.”
Allowing them to change
If you aren’t sure where to start with talking to your child about responsible phone use, EE has created the P.H.O.N.E. Chat guide in partnership with Internet Matters, providing useful online safety tips. It aims to highlight the key points parents need to discuss with their child before giving them their first smartphone. This should help set firm boundaries without making them feel left out among their peers. The aim of the initiative is to show that, with the right tools, conversations and knowledge around the digital space, a phone can be an exciting and empowering milestone in a young person’s development.
The network that works for families
EE has a range of tools and services to help keep your family connected and safe online.
● Teen phone plans: EE’s Safer SIMs can make any smartphone age-appropriate for children, alleviating the worry around the type of content they consume.
● Stay connected data: EE’s Stay Connected data ensures no one in the family ever runs out of data. This ensures your children are never out of contact.
● Data gifting: This feature allows parents to share data like pocket money, encouraging moderate and considered phone use.
● Scam call protection: EE’s Scam Call Protect identifies and flags scam calls on the network, helping to prevent your child accidentally answering one.
Families are better connected
While it can feel as if a mobile phone will only create distance between you and your teenage child, Dr Garcha says that it does offer plenty of opportunity for connection. This can happen when parents make an active decision to familiarise themselves with their child’s world rather than shut themselves off and demonise it. “Learn as much as you can about how children are using their phones and why,” Dr Garcha suggests. “Download the apps they’re using and try them yourself to gain a better understanding of how they work.
“Research shows that young people are more likely to talk openly about what they’ve seen and experienced online if they believe they’ll be listened to without the risk of fear or shame. These conversations support emotional regulation and reduce the risk of internalised stress.”
Mr Garcha adds that encouraging open, honest conversation and critical thinking is also key. “Give them tools to question what they see and seek other views to help them fact-check and spot curated content.”
This is a tactic used by parents such as Sara George who finds that dinner time is when these conversations happen most naturally with her two teenage children. “We have dinner together every day and this is often when these conversations evolve – if not in the car. Sometimes these conversations happen organically and sometimes I’ll ask pointed questions about things that I think are relevant.”
Children’s screen time
The Department for Education defines screen time as the time spent interacting with screen-based devices. The statistics indicate that by the time kids are 15 they spend a quarter of the day looking at a screen.
Continuing to foster genuine emotional connections in the real world is also equally important. “Empathy, compassion and social responsibility are shaped through face-to-face interaction,” Dr Garcha says. “You can also support by modelling healthy emotional boundaries, naming discomfort, and encouraging recovery time. Consider your own phone use as well, so it doesn’t become a ‘do as I say, but not as I do’ situation.”
“Empathy, compassion and social responsibility are shaped through face-to-face interactions”
Dr Garcha
Setting healthy boundaries such as this is made easier with services such as EE’s Safer Sims. This offers a range of tools such as its Stay Connected Data which means your child will never run out of data and lose connection when they’re not with you, and Data Gifting so young teens can be rewarded with data (for an achievement at school or in a sports team for instance). There’s also its Scam Call Protect technology which helps to protect vulnerable people from phishing links in online games or elsewhere online, and Teen Phone plans that turn any phone into an age-appropriate device.
Ali Lijee is the father of a teenage son and says involving him in the conversation is integral to allowing him the freedom to grow up – without the negatives of the digital world. “To stay connected, we have several routines in place: phone-free dinners and short walks in the evening, when we’ve both unplugged,” he says. “I try to find ways to include my son in the work of setting boundaries, so he feels ownership over his choices.”